Homework

I’ve discovered that homework is not the same as I remember. Now that I’m in a grad program, I have so much homework that I barely can find time to do it. I came up to Criswell’s library today to read a few hundred pages and work on two papers. Right now I am merely taking a short break to express my discontent in my ability to get all the work done that I’d like. Maybe I will get the hang of this soon.

MSE

Where I’m Going

Today it has officially been one year since the divorce. It’s been a rough year, but God has brought me far from where I was when all of this began. I am so very thankful to Him for that! I can’t see His plan clearly, but I know He does have one and I’m excited to see where He takes me.

I have started an MDiv program at Criswell now. It’s a little tough getting back into the swing of things (especially in trying to stay organized to get my work done), but I know that three or four years from now I will have my degree. It may seem like a good ways off, but I’m certain it will fly by.

As I begin new ministry opportunities (at my church and, even further out, in short-term missions), I see that I’m fitting into where I should be and I have high hopes for where God will use me. I have a heart for people that I haven’t had in a while and I want to be able to serve them to the best of my ability.

This is the shortest of this series of posts, but that does not mean that it is less important! No, the future is simply not put together yet in the same way the past and present are (at least in my limited mind). There is so much that can happen. I’m just happy to be following God and going down the road He has laid out for me.

MSE

The Big News

A few days ago I mentioned that I had some big news that I couldn’t quite share yet. Well, now I am free to do so. I am now working (part-time) at my church as their Worship Producer! Basically, this job is to manage the people and programs involved in sound, lights, video, stage set-up, and whatever else I can help with. It takes some pressure off of the Worship Director to get through that area so that she can focus on the band, choir, lead vocals, etc.

I am very excited to step into this role as I can help make Sunday morning services (and other special events) happen. It also gets my foot in the door to see what ministry looks like behind-the-scenes.

MSE

Where I Am

Since the divorce last year, I have continued to push into God and rely on Him to keep me going. And He has been faithful. The accountability and encouragement of the 20-something guys group I’m a part of at my church has been awesome! This is not the sort of group that you see once, maybe twice, a week. No, these guys want something more. They truly want to be a part of a community, and so we hang out often. I talk to them at least three times a week outside of church events. What’s more, I am now the facilitator in our regular meetings. I say facilitator because each of us contributes to the group without need of someone to do much more than be there. I love that group.

Round about last January I got to thinking about going back to school. I prayed about it, but didn’t have a clear direction to go. I thought maybe I’d move up to Tulsa and try to start back at Oral Roberts (where I went for my first two years of undergrad work) in the Fall. I even made a trip up there. I spent a day and a half looking for a job – something to get my foot in the door. I don’t think I’ve ever applied to as many places in such a short amount of time as I did that weekend. I tried following up with the positions I applied for, but no one so much as called me back. Ok, so that door was closed.

Almost immediately, I thought that I might see the possibilities of going to Europe and studying there. I brought that idea up to my guys’ group and every single one of them urged me to not pursue it (that night there happened to be a dozen or so of us). We discussed it back and forth for a few good hours, but not one even thought I should look into it. They were concerned about me uprooting myself from the community I was in after such a devastating thing in my life. In the end I couldn’t bring myself to agree with their concerns, but I did put my trust in their judgement. Another door was closed.

A couple of months later I applied to Dallas Seminary, thinking that I would be a part of my community and be able to continue my education. Within a week of submitting my application, I received a rejection letter based on my recent divorce. I was surprised. Since I had gone through such a long separation prior to the divorce, I thought they would at least hear my story out before making a decision. Yet one more door was closed.

In the middle of the Summer I was talking with a friend who asked me if I had gone back to Criswell to see what possibilities there might be for me there. I hadn’t. I was honestly afraid of being rejected from my alma mater and I did not want that to happen. However, I did relent and went up there one sunny day after work. I talked to an admissions counselor who was extremely excited to see me. I thought it must’ve been slow during the Summer, but it turns out this guy is excited about, quite literally, EVERYTHING. Anyway, we got to talking about my time there and about some of the events in my recent past. We prayed about it and he encouraged me to apply (and he even waived the application fee). In sharp contrast to the previous attempts at schooling, I was almost immediately accepted! I am now convinced that God shut certain doors to make sure I went where He wanted me to go! I feel a little like cattle being herded by a rancher, but I’m strangely alright with that.

Other than the pursuit of my education, God has been working in my life and providing for me in other dramatic ways. I got a new car and moved out of my parents house and into an apartment this past March. Work situations have been clearing up in ways that I couldn’t have imagined. I’m a lot less stressed out over things and am happy with where I am. I can honestly say that I am not the same man I was a couple years ago. I miss my wife more than words could ever say, but God is moving me to places I could never have dreamed!

MSE

Where I’ve Been

This is the first in a short series of posts. In this post I am discussing what happened to lead me to stop blogging for a long while. The second post will be on where Christ has brought me. The last one (I assume it will be the last in this series) will be on where I feel He is leading me in the future. I may not go into intense detail at every turn, but the points I need to bring up will be there.

June 11, 2010 the worst possible thing that I could imagine happened. Thus, on June 13 I put this blog on hiatus. I am now back to blogging, but I find it difficult without being open about my life over the past two years.

June 11, 2010 my wife and I separated. It was not something that either of us had thought would ever happen when we got married, but it did happen. That was a Friday. I went to stay with my parents in complete and utter sadness and with a lack of comprehension to what had just happened.

Sunday, I went for a walk at the park down the street from my parents. I had hoped to wrap my head around the situation. For some reason I felt compelled to walk across the street to the church I used to attend from 5th grade to 10th grade. This was the church where I had committed my life to Christ. I didn’t know what time it was or if they were in service, but I went. I sat in the back, in the overflow room, just as the worship had ended. My old youth pastor got up. He was preaching that morning! Normally, he would be at their other campus as he is now a campus pastor. What was the sermon? How husbands should love their wives. As he preached, I realized that I had failed on every point. I didn’t love my wife properly. No, instead it was a selfish love (which really isn’t love at all). It was all about me and what I could get. By the end of the service I was weeping. I knew I needed to change.

There were other issues that needed dealt with in my life as well. I had deep-seated anger problems, I had been looking for a job for a year, but had yet to find one that suited me (again, very selfish that it had to be the perfect job). Finances were tight, as was the stress level. I had set academia in an improper place above my relationship with God. I sought help with my issues. I began meeting with the associate pastor at my current church regularly, I became involved in a 20-somethings guys’ accountability group, I started getting biblical counseling. I set academia aside for a long while. Most importantly, I began to love my wife as Christ loves the church. We were separated, sure enough, but I sought out ways to love her unselfishly, sacrificing my needs and wants to show her that I love her.

We were separated for fifteen months. A year ago, on September 9, she went ahead with the divorce. My world was crushed, but I’ve held on to Christ and trusted Him.

MSE

Working On Something

On an unrelated note from what I wrote the other day, I am working on a new blog post (possibly series of posts) that is the biggest thing I’ve done here since I’ve returned to the blogoverse. I do hope you will check back tomorrow afternoon/evening to see what I’m working on, as I will be sharing my heart on what has been going on in my life over the past couple years and what I’m thinking about for the future. I would certainly welcome dialogue on this subject (as I know there will be many differing views across the board).

MSE

Big News

I’ve got some big news that I can’t share just yet, but that I am very excited about. I thought I’d simply throw out this little tease in the meanwhile. Be on the lookout for a post in the near future (maybe this week) on just what kind of news it is!

MSE