This is the first in a short series of posts. In this post I am discussing what happened to lead me to stop blogging for a long while. The second post will be on where Christ has brought me. The last one (I assume it will be the last in this series) will be on where I feel He is leading me in the future. I may not go into intense detail at every turn, but the points I need to bring up will be there.
June 11, 2010 the worst possible thing that I could imagine happened. Thus, on June 13 I put this blog on hiatus. I am now back to blogging, but I find it difficult without being open about my life over the past two years.
June 11, 2010 my wife and I separated. It was not something that either of us had thought would ever happen when we got married, but it did happen. That was a Friday. I went to stay with my parents in complete and utter sadness and with a lack of comprehension to what had just happened.
Sunday, I went for a walk at the park down the street from my parents. I had hoped to wrap my head around the situation. For some reason I felt compelled to walk across the street to the church I used to attend from 5th grade to 10th grade. This was the church where I had committed my life to Christ. I didn’t know what time it was or if they were in service, but I went. I sat in the back, in the overflow room, just as the worship had ended. My old youth pastor got up. He was preaching that morning! Normally, he would be at their other campus as he is now a campus pastor. What was the sermon? How husbands should love their wives. As he preached, I realized that I had failed on every point. I didn’t love my wife properly. No, instead it was a selfish love (which really isn’t love at all). It was all about me and what I could get. By the end of the service I was weeping. I knew I needed to change.
There were other issues that needed dealt with in my life as well. I had deep-seated anger problems, I had been looking for a job for a year, but had yet to find one that suited me (again, very selfish that it had to be the perfect job). Finances were tight, as was the stress level. I had set academia in an improper place above my relationship with God. I sought help with my issues. I began meeting with the associate pastor at my current church regularly, I became involved in a 20-somethings guys’ accountability group, I started getting biblical counseling. I set academia aside for a long while. Most importantly, I began to love my wife as Christ loves the church. We were separated, sure enough, but I sought out ways to love her unselfishly, sacrificing my needs and wants to show her that I love her.
We were separated for fifteen months. A year ago, on September 9, she went ahead with the divorce. My world was crushed, but I’ve held on to Christ and trusted Him.
Filed under: Fallen World